Feeling the Blues
Often when we hear “the Blues”, it is in reference to jazz. Ironic isn’t it that jazzy means vibrant, lively, fired up, hip, bold, funky, exciting – nothing to do with feeling the blues.
Feeling The BLUES refers to sadness, melancholy, depression – all of the negativity that our brains are putting forth into our emotional and mental state of being, which of course also affects our physicality.
As I am a jewelry artist, I decided to turn those stormy days into creating brilliant BLUE jewelry: earrings, bracelets, and necklaces.
In my discovery of these days of sadness, when I feel like I’m just stumbling along – it’s OK to feel sad, it’s OK to cry, it’s OK to fall down… as long as I pick myself back up and continue with one foot in front of the other, walking forwards.
Caught in a Whirlpool
April 2015-16 has been a pretty rotten year. Just when I think things are looking up, Wham! I’m sucked back down yet again – trying to kick myself upwards, out of this whirlpool, known as life.
The one year anniversary of losing my precious boy-o, Toby to an absolute horrific death. 😭💔
So full of life was my sweet boy-o! Not once (while awake) was he ever still – tail always wagging, and wow, could he jump! Mr. Barky was his nickname. Toby loved a great game of chase – his favorite was to run up the road and have the neighbor’s dogs chase him. They did this for years! (I live on a private road with no traffic.)
And then on that fateful day, April 5, 2014, he ran up the road… I called for him because normally when he ran up the road, he’d scream when the neighbor’s dogs chased him down. (But I didn’t hear anything.) I called for him for a few minutes and then walked up the road…
(GASP) He was laying so still, and in that moment I knew – he was gone! I didn’t know exactly what had happened as there was too much blood, but when I started CPR – his throat made a sucking sound.
Rest in peace my dearest Toby. I will forever remember you!
He lived for eight years with this awful disease! Plus he also had severe stomatitis and asthma. (Read his story here.)
Caught in a Net
This is for all of us who feel we are entangled in nets – trying to break free, just like those poor fish who flip flop around.
End of July, I was driving home from running errands (and thankfully had a driver behind me who witnessed the entirety of this accident.)
The road I was on is a two lane road, one lane in either direction. It is also an extremely curvy road with a mountain on one side and a drop on the other side. (Motorcyclists lose their lives often on this road.)
I was approaching a blind turn when suddenly this motorcycle appeared half way in my lane. I braked and cranked my truck into the mountains in an attempt to avoid him. He was driving exceedly fast and hit my driver’s side door. The impact caused my truck to do a 180.
The motorcyclist lived but has extensive injuries. I called the CHP to send an ambulance, and he was airlifted. (The CHP confirmed that if I hadn’t driven into the mountains, the motorcyclist would have hit my chrome bumper and would not have lived.)
I found out later that the motorcyclist:
- Had no insurance (auto or health)
- Was driving on a suspended license
- Was driving under the influence (of meth)
My truck was considered a total loss, and I suffered from headaches and nightmares so severe I was unable to drive for several months.
Velcro, aptly named because he would cling to me, was fine and then he wasn’t. It happened so fast – he stopped eating and within one week, he lost his battle with cancer. He went downhill at an alarming speed.
He ended up with ascites (fluid in his abdomen) that looked a lot like FIP (Feline Infectious Peritonitis) which is contagious, and when he developed fluid in his chest and couldn’t breathe, I had him euthanized. His abdominal ultrasound showed what appeared to be cancer in his omentum.
I had him euthanized the day after Thanksgiving (Black Friday.) The titer for FIP came back as negative which was a relief for my other kitties.
My beautiful, vibrant and healthy Mom fell ill and was diagnosed with an infection, then pancreatic cancer that spread like wildfire to her liver and stomach.
Within three months, she went downhill at an alarming speed, just like Velcro. She was in agonizing pain, and no medication seemed to help.
My Mom passed away on the eve of February 3, 2016 at the age of 68.
I keep hoping I will wake from this nightmare – that when I go to my parents’ house, I’ll see her. I wish I had recorded her voice when she would play the piano, or saved the voicemail of her singing Happy Birthday to me.
The heartache of losing my Mom, and going through the grieving process was too much. This is when I turned to my jewelry making and started the Blues Jewelry Line.
This “Spring Rain” necklace was inspired by the first rain of Spring: March 21, 2016:
You can check out my whole collection on Etsy: http://www.jcheartdesigns.etsy.com
Thank you for reading!